This week’s post I wanted to take about my struggles with school.
I have never been a super studious student I have always struggled with school, not just grade wise but also the way I looked at school. I went through of phase of never even wanting to do school work not because I did not think I could not do the work but I genuinely hated everything that I had to do with school. My parents remedied this by moving me to a school where if you did not do school or homework you got in a huge trouble which I will admit helped me when it came to developing a great work ethic but it did not help me liking or even slightly enjoying school. I remember crying at times because I genuinely hated school.
In high school, although I still hated the idea of going to a place where you were locked in a building for 8 hours I did better, grade-wise. It was always the same thing I hated the physical l place itself and if I’m being honest I still hate the idea of American schooling but we will not get into that.
Entering college I was excited, I had told myself that it was going to be a great first year and I was excited about a new change. As my first year of college progressed I fell so deep in a hole of sadness/miserableness that by my second semester I could not even concentrate on school because I hated it more than I have ever hated it. With my first semester I ended it strong with great grades but for my second semester I never even bothered to check my final grades because I had mentally checked out less than halfway through and I knew my grades could not have been good. College for me at the time became my honest hell. I hated getting up to go so most time my second semester I just started in bed and cried because I hated it so much. I could not deal with the professors, I could not deal with the oddball times I had to have as a commuter and I couldn’t deal with the Plethora of emotions I felt all the time.
Professors I know aren’t the greatest, I know that in the end, they aren’t teachers they are simply people who have degrees in a field but boy did I hate all but two of mine. There were only two professors who I felt not only taught me but also made the class a welcoming place. All my other professors made me loath just the idea of going to class. As a commuting student, I would have to go to campus each time I had class and I had to take two trains, so I remember one day getting off the first train waiting on the platform for my second train and I just started crying I had to go to my psychology class was on the first day of class the professor called me out because I had an alarm set for the summer that I forgot to turn off, of course, that did not give me the best impression of him and throughout the semester it just got worse, he constantly picked on me for the rest of the semester. So that day I remember the train coming to go to campus and I did not get on it I waited for the train so I can go back home and I went home and I cried even more because I did not want to go back to class. After all, I did not like that man and then not like that class. That just an example of why I not only hated school but also my professors. And I won’t get into the whole financial aid situation that only made me feel worse
After my first year, between my hatred for school and my financial aid issues, I decided to take a year off school and it was a great decision for me. Although I didn’t travel or do much it was just a break from the school itself I needed. In the end, I am back in school now because I won’t lie I did miss it I’m happy with my choice.